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Coping with Infertility


Infertility is perhaps one of the most stressful experiences a couple can go through. How you cope with this roller coaster of emotions depends very much on your personality and your situation since every person is different and every infertility issue is unique. For example, someone who is dealing with pregnancy loss may have different needs and coping strategies than someone going through their first IVF treatment cycle.

Coping with infertility always involves finding the strength within yourself and within your relationship to get through this difficult period. It also involves asking for help when you need it and learning as much as you can about your condition, the available infertility treatments, and the resources available to you.

While the medical focus may be on treating the physical causes of infertility, it’s equally important to take care of your emotional wellbeing.

Here are some important points to remember about the emotional side of infertility treatment:

  • Frustration, guilt, grief, anxiety, anger and blame are all normal responses to the highs and lows of infertility treatment.
  • Infertility is a problem for couples – not just individuals. Recognise that blame is counterproductive.
  • Because infertility is a very personal issue, you may feel reluctant to share your emotional experiences and may end up feeling isolated. Communication between you and your partner during this time is essential. In fact, many couples find that, by supporting each other through this process, they actually strengthen their relationships.
  • Men and women react to infertility in different ways. (Don’t expect your partner to feel the way you do.)
  • There are a variety of fertility treatment options available – including recent major treatment advances.

City Fertility has a specialist Counsellor and trained staff to help you to deal with the stress and emotions involved in resolving fertility problems.


Infertility: Friends And Family


Although it may be hard to do, reaching out to those close to you can help get you through difficult moments. It is better not to go through this process alone internalizing painful emotions. You have a partner who is committed to the same goals as you, and friends and family who are likely more than willing to help in whatever way they can.

Although friends and family may mean well, you may find that there are some people in your life who 'get it' better than others do. Advice such as 'just relax and it will happen', or 'try not to think about it so much', or stories of others' experiences may or may not be what you want to hear. Old recipes such as "fertility is all in your head" or "take a vacation and you will get pregnant" do not work if you have a medical condition that requires diagnosis and treatment.

It is common for couples to withdraw from each other, their family and friends when they are dealing with infertility. This may be the first crisis you and your partner face together and you may not know how to offer and ask for support. Remember there is no shame in going through infertility. You can overcome this by learning strategies that help keep the lines of communication open and your relationship alive. For instance, communicate positive as well as negative feelings, keep your sense of humour and set aside time to enjoy each other's company.

Your partner should not be your only means of support. Try to build a network of trusted family members and friends who you can turn to when you're feeling down to take some pressure off your partner and don't hesitate to seek professional help. Infertility can put a terrible strain on your emotional well-being and a mental health professional can help you get through rough periods.


Infertility: Self - Help


Do not underestimate the power you have over your own emotional well-being. The better care you take of yourself the better able you are to cope during this difficult time. Taking care of yourself means doing things that add to your sense of well-being and help relieve the stress associated with infertility.

Each person handles stress and pain differently. Some people find comfort writing their thoughts in a journal while others choose yoga or exercise as a stress reliever. Coping strategies that are healthful make you feel better and can make a difficult process manageable. Another vital part of this process is to grieve the many losses that make up the infertility experience. You may be mourning a miscarriage, a failed IVF cycle or something as elusive as the dream of parenting but it's important to acknowledge the loss.

Finally, don't forget to have fun! Often people experiencing infertility deny themselves pleasures like travel or having a night out on the town. They spend so much time consumed with treatments and planning for the future that they ignore the importance of finding joy in the present.



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